It's 10 pm. Do you know where you and your loved ones are? Here is a collection of experiences from those who live / have lived with an obsessive MMOG gamer and from those who have lived the experience of obsessive MMOG gaming.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

A couple of new emails:

"As I read the entires on this site I began to cry. I always knew there was something missing in my relationship with my boyfriend of nearly three years, but I would always make excuses. I would tell myself that I need to think of these players as real life
friends. Now I realize that if he spent this much time with real life friends, we'd have a more obvious problem. He plays as soon as he gets home from work until very late hours, only stopping to watch his tv shows (our "quality" time). As soon as the shows end, he's back playing, forsaking friends, family and me. Once while we were intimate he ran off to his game, because he was afraid of what was happening. I also lie to myself and others by saying that I am glad he plays, because it keeps him occupied while I study or do my own thing. That's not true. I love him, and I have begun to realize that I do not feel loved back, no matter how much he says he does, because I will always feel that game comes first. He tells me that I knew what I was getting into, because he played before we were together. I now see we can never have a future, for I don't want my husband or the father of my child to be this way, and I am a fool to think things will change."

"I am a newly wed. We just had our one year anniversary. When I go out ( I still have my own life) many people always question me " Where's your husband at?" After so many times hearing the same question, lying to people, I finally spoke the truth. " He's at home playing on the computer (Everquest)." I'm so jealous of the game. I hear him laugh and smile with the computer but not with me. It's hard to hold a serious conversation while he's typing away on the game. First thing he does in the morning is log his character on. First thing he does when he gets home, he checks the EQ chat room or board messages. The second most asked question since we have been married is "when are you going to have kids?" I don't want kids right now. He neglects me, his family and few friends he has left. He's doesn't help me around the house as much as he should. He's too busy gaming. He doesn't go out much because he's playing EQ. He cuts family time short or doesn't visit family because he doesn't want to (but has a scheduled raid). I picked up a second job because I'm bored at home. I feel so alone, even now that I'm married. He feels bad, I know he does. We will have our fights about the game (if its not EQ, its another game). He always says " I promise I won't play as much. I don't play as much compared to so and so. Whatever ....(and gets really defensive)." I've learned to cope with it."

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, I can't totaly say I know what you are going through but may my advice help. I am also a gamer, at the moment I am writing a paper on internet gaming addiction. I loved role playing game since i was able to pick up a controler. And now I play average of 4 ~ 10 hours a day on my game (FFXI). I do have a girl friend I love very much, and when I am in the middle of doing something (in the game), it's very hard to come away from it. If my girl friend gets mad at me, I will just play more, because I would rather play the game then argue with her. If your hudsband is addicted, that does not mean he does not love you, it means he has a sickness that needs to be cured. I am not a professor or have a degree in phychology so treat this like an advice and use it or throw it away. If you want to spend time with him, talk to him about it, for example: going out and watching a movie. Pick a movie, then ask him what would be a good time to watch. If he says no, ask him to do it for you. Tell him that you would like to watch a movie with him. Then he should try to plan his online game schedule around that movie time. What he needs is time to log out of the game. You must understand that if you log out just any where, your character will die, or will be breaking many promises that he made with others. Ask him if there is a schedule he keeps, example people he meets and play together ect.. then you should try to give him that freedome. Also you can try to reason with him, what do you expect to do in this game, where do you see you self in 1 year playing this game. What about 5 years down the road. Let him think, there is a saying, you can not teach a man anything, you can only help him understand it. Finally use some judgement and try to test your subject with stuff, how will he act if you did this and that ect... with the key thing in mind, do not do anything you will regret. Even though I play game a lot, I keep my girl friend 80% of the time happy and we do things she wants to do 80% of the time. We might be little bit late sometimes because she does not give me enough time so that is why 80%. After i read your letter I felt bad because people like me are hurting people like you. Hopfully you can soon understand how our brains work and work with us. Ohh and a note: NO NOT PLAY THE GAME WITH HIM IF YOU WANT HIM TO STOP PLAYING THE GAME ! that will only encouage him to play more. And he will even have an excuse to play to. Finally, just ask him to do his daily duties. You can make a check list and let him go over it and let him say okay to them. Good luck with all you do and only tears of happiness to come. Lance~

Jul 24, 2004, 4:18:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First of all I like to say that I m sorry to hear about how your relationships. I too am a gamer. But recently I have stopped. I dont have a PHd for this but from my experience is that the online games have created a "point" system, where as the character gets stronger, new items are available, they get weaker if they dont play much, and etc which encourages players to keep on going. This took me a long time to realize and break free of. My advice like Lance, is to steer him away from the monitor some time and spend sometime with him. But what is important is that you should sometime stop and talk to him about his MMORPG (Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game) addiction. What he needs to do is to realize that his gaming addiction is out of control and slowly ruining his life. Thats what snapped me out of it. After losing my addiction i am slowly recovering what is my school life and continuing on. Like Lance, its fine to play once in a while and being monitored but not everyday. Some final advice after he comes out of addiction is to help him set up goals for himself to achieve, its an old method but it helps in the long run. Best wishes and health. -Kevin

Jun 26, 2006, 5:29:00 PM

 

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