"Wow! I really thought that I was alone until I came across this site. Thank you. I have been married for 6 months and for the past 3 months I have lost my new wife to EQ. After reading all the comments I now know I am not alone. We are seeing a counselor. My wife has changed since playing the game. Hours playing averaging 6-8 hours a day up to 15 hours a day on the weekends. I thought I was being selfish asking her not to play but now realize that she is addicted to EQ. She has cut down now that she is back at school, she is a teacher. The past two weekends since she has been back at school have been what I feared...all EQ. Home on Friday evening, dinner then to the computer! Staying on until 3-4 AM and sleeping most of the day until she is ready to head back for an afternoon stretch on the game then back on for the night until 3-4 AM. We have had plans the past two weekends and they have been canceled due to EQ. I went to a concert alone one weekend and a family picnic this weekend...alone. I fear the worst. I saw the questionnaire about being addicted, I would answer at least 8 or 9 as yes for her."
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Friday, August 26, 2005
"MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN PLAYING EVERQUEST FOR 4 YEARS ITS SO SO SAD SEEING HIM GETTING MORE LOST IN HTIS GAME. HE PLAYS ALL THE TIME WAKES EARLY TO PLAY AND STAYS UP LATE TO PLAY. ITS COME TO A POINT HE IS NOW BUYING STUFF FOR THE GAME WHICH HE SPENDS A LOT OF MONEY ON SO HE CAN GO TO A HIGHER LEVEL, HE SPENT $200 ON SOMETHING FOR THE GAME WHEN MY DAUGHTER NEED NEW CLOTHES.. HE NOW SLEEP ON THE COUCH SO HE CAN GET UP AND PLAY ANYTIME WITHOUT ME KNOWING AT ALL. THE GAME IS ALWAYS ON THE COMPUTER. I HATE THIS GAME IT HAS TAKEN MY HUSBAND AWAY FROM ME. WITH 3 KIDS WE HARDLY HAVE TIME TO OUR SELFS AS IT IS. I NEED HELP I FEEL SO ALONE IN THIS KNOW ONE UNDERSTANDS HOW BAD IT IS UNTILL YOUR IN IN YOURSELF. FAMILY TELLS ME ITS JUST A GAME, IN MY EYES IT HAD GONE BEYOND THAT. I WISH THERE WAS A GROUP TO TURN TO, OR SOME TOLL FREE NUMBER PEOPLE COULD CALL TO GET HELP THE DEALING WITH SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT ADDICTION TO EVER QUEST, THIS GAME BREAKS UP FAMILY AND FRIENDS EVERYDAY. I THIOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE GOING THRU THIS THANKS TO YOUR WEB SITE I KNOW I M NOT THE ONLY ONE ."
(I didn't put it in upper cases, this is how it arrived in the mailbox)
Monday, August 22, 2005
It is so easy to get sucked into the negative feelings and to stay there, that we sometimes forget that the hard and painful times help us learn and grow into better times. This weekend I went canoeing up a river with friends, and it made me realize how much more grateful and appreciative I am these days of being healthy and able to go out and try new things. I was never a nature person but still, it is out there on the river or in the lake that I came to understand that life can be great without the "excitement" of a flashing computer or TV screen. Nature only seems boring when we compare it to the latest entertainment - but when you are out there, this perception changes quickly, whether you want to or not. Now, not everyone is into water like I am, but I'm sure we all have something in nature that we are attracted to, be it mountains, the forest, the sky, the ocean etc. But we can all access that part in us that feels in tune with our surrounding natural environment when we are in our element, doing what feels natural to us.
I don't think that sitting in front of the computer feels natural to us human beings, at least not for endless amounts of hours. And even if it seems to feel natural, I wonder if anyone can really say that they feel fully in their element, sensing the mental and physical enjoyment from their mind and body. Has anyone ever gone to bed after a day of computer gaming, thinking "Wow! I feel great! I am so tired, but it's such a great feeling of exhaustion that I just KNOW that I am going to enjoy every bite I'm going to have at dinner, and I will have a great sleep tonight!" If you've ever used the term "good tired", you probably will know what I am talking about.
I know, I sound like a health / fitness nut - but I'm not. I grew up spending a lot of time indoors reading, watching TV, and I was definitely never the sporty type. It took me a while to understand that I enjoy the fact that my body and mind can work together in unison, and I learned that this made me happy. For that alone I am thankful that I went through the period (aka 4-5 years) of playing Everquest compulsively. It is not too late for anyone to learn that to be a happy human being, both the mind and the body have to be exercised.
We are human beings, after all. If we were supposed to be purely spiritual, we wouldn't have a body. Sometimes I feel that when we spend all our time in front of the computer, we try to escape our confinement to the physical body. And I understand this when you truly have physical limitations. But for those who have a full set of limbs and functioning organs? What are your reasons to neglect a big part of yourself? Are there any underlying self-hating, self-harming motivations?
Sunday, August 07, 2005
There are a few questionaires / surveys out there that you can take to find out if you are addicted to the Internet or videogames. Although useful, I never found them to be really convincing or thought-provoking enough to make me realize that I had better do something during my obsessive EQ gaming phase. I like science like everyone else, but I think when it comes down to more emotional matters, sometimes less objective measures can go a longer way. Anyways, I'm babbling, sorry :)
Here are a couple of questions that come to my mind if I were to design a questionnaire for MMORPGers:
1. What are the first 10 things you do when you get up? Does any of it involve turning the computer on and checking either a message board, a site or the game?
2. Have you ever sat in front of the computer (reading guild posts or logging into the game) in your pyjamas?
3. Have you ever played the game in the dark?
4. Do you leave things (books, plates, cans) next to your computer at times because you did not have the time to get up and put them where they should go?
5. Have you been lately getting extremely bored whenever you sit down with family or friends over dinner and listen to their discussions?
6. Have you ever masturbated while playing the game?
7. Have you created a To Do list for the things you need to get done online?
8. Did anything in game ever make you so mad that you felt like you had to scream or hit the table/wall?
9. Do you feel lonelier when you log out of the game?
10. Do you feel you have a hard time shutting off the computer?
No test results. Just answering the questions should offer some insights.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
"...At that time, I thought the time investment was becoming completely ridiculous and started to keep track of how much time was actually being spent at this idiotic game. Unfortunately, the reaction ( as surely all of you could guess!) wasn't surprise and agreement, but anger and defensivess. However, a few days later, he did say that he would only play every other day and not stay up til ridiculous times to do so. That lasted for about a week, though he has only been up until 1 or 2 am and not 3 or 4, he has been playing every day. I was not happy with the every other day thing, actually, thinking that was far too much, but wanted to be "reasonable", since he loves it so much. Like it matters a whit! Further, when he comes to bed at 1:30 am he says things like he thought I would be proud of him for not staying up late. As if I would be proud of him for only wasting 6 or 7 hours on this crap instead of 9 or 10 a day! I see how I am sounding, and that is one of the problems I am having with all this, and I am hoping that you all will have advice. We always had a wonderful relationship .... For 7 years now I have been telling everyone who will listen how fortunate I am, how much in love we are, how wonderful he treats me... and he has, too. I think his opinion of me, and mine of myself, is beginning to change as I try to defend our relationship from this all consuming beast. I have never been a nagger or anything, but we have started arguing for the first time ever over this. He seems to think I have suddenly had a complete personality change that, coincidentally, began when he became a junkie. It seems more likely to me that it has to do with him losing interest in anything not EQ related.... We used to do outdoor activities, read, and enjoyed going to brewpubs, working around the house, cooking, watching movies, just the usual stuff. Now, he gets up early and plays for an hour or two before work, almost every night when he gets home (we did go to a party on Saturday, but he tried to avoid it and stay home and play). Says it is the same as tv and that we actually talk more. Hah! I am completely at the end of my rope and don't even know what tack to take--- don't want to become a total witch, totally sick of wasting time looking at the back of his head. I want to be supportive but am so sick of hearing about EQ I could scream, and it is his only topic of conversation any more ....I've started doing a lot of things on my own and just leaving him home, but that doesn't seem like the best alternative, either...."