"My son had a full scholarship to college and did well his first semester of college.... Over Christmas break, he started playing EQ II. He went back to college in Jan for his 2nd semester. He was back at college a little over a month before he had to pack it in and come back home. He is still hooked but we are getting some rofessional help to get him off the game. We felt that if we took it away "cold turkey" that he would move in with another EQII addict and we would never see him again.
He reached level 50 this week. What is the incentive to stay involved in the game if you reach the maximum level? I know he has online EQII 'friends.'
The game appears drab and boring to me but I have never attempted to play. Only positive I can say for EQII is that the game caused him to cut way back on his cigarette smoking. It is sad way to cut back."
1 Comments:
I have strong sympathy for your situation, so don't misunderstand this advice as being uncaring. I am also an MMOG addict. Do this:
1. Look up the definition of "enabler" and realize that's what you are being right now.
2. Today, announce his move-out date for a month from now and let him know that with or without a job he is to be gone.
3. Turn off his Internet access until the move date. If he loves the games so much, he can buy his own access in his new apartment (or living with a buddy). This also helps prevent him losing valuable job search and interview time to screwing around.
4. Don't pay him a dime for anything until then. If he ends up needing deposit money for a place to live, you might give him a LOAN with a specific repayment plan. NO handouts.
5. Be prepared for the drama and manipulation that's coming after the move out date announcement. If he is a true addict (sure sounds like it) then he will try to twist the situation in innumerable ways to his advantage. You'll probably see a trend to his whining and demands, where all paths lead back to him being back on the PC playing games to his hearts content.
Don't trust all the BS promises saying that he will change. That's the addiction talking. Tell him he can prove it by succeeding in life after he moves out. He can't manipulate his way out of that one.
6. Realize his life is now his own. He will never change under the safety of your roof. Look at the sky and see all those birds that were kicked out of the nest. They survived.
7. All failures after this point are his own. This was coming whether you initiated it now or later. If he was destinated to fail, then he would live with you another 10 years and then still get kicked out and fail.
8. Give him lots of love and verbal encouragement before and after he leaves. Set a date for him to come back and have dinner and chat about his new life. You need to make it clear by your actions and speech that he is NEVER coming back to live there. He should always welcome to visit, however and make sure that's clear.
These are hard things to do as a parent, but if you truly love your kid, then then the last thing you should do is lets things go as-is. There's better than a 95% chance he will succeed, because it's amazing what you can do when you must. To succeed in MMOGs requires a certain level of intelligence, so he's got the tools needed to succeed already. Perhaps if you put your feelings aside a bit and deal effectively with this, then later you'll have a grown son that overcomes his addiction and finds the self confidence from his accomplishments.
Good luck and God bless.
Mar 17, 2005, 12:12:00 PM
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