It's 10 pm. Do you know where you and your loved ones are? Here is a collection of experiences from those who live / have lived with an obsessive MMOG gamer and from those who have lived the experience of obsessive MMOG gaming.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

"I've never been with a "gamer" before, so I wasn't familiar with what it truly meant to be one, but I knew enough to know I didn't want to be with one.

The first date I had with my boyfriend (of almost a year)he had told me that he "use to be a gamer", but that he had stopped playing his online games because he didn't like what he became when he was addicted. He said he'd play 8-12 hours a day when he didn't have a job, he couldn't get away from the computer. He said he wouldn't even sleep. He played EQ, WOW, and some other game, I can't remember what it's called. He told me he was past that part of his life and he didn't miss it.. plus he had a job now.

Skip five months into the future. We are eating lunch and he tells me, "I'm starting to have a craving to play EQ again". He said that he had been missing it for a few weeks now, but was scared to tell me because he knew I would be worried. He gave me a 30 minutes speech about how much fun it would be if we could "play together like a team" and "how he loves team oriented activities", etc. After spending a few hundred bucks on the equipment my older computer needed to play it, we both signed up, created our characters and started playing.

At first I thought, 'I will act totally addicted and maybe this would scare him and then he'll want to stop'... so, I did just that, and bam... I got semi addicted. I say "semi" addicted because I could tear myself away from it, but, on the weekends I wanted to play from 10am to 2am the next morning... keep in mind - I have no kids or work on the weekends... so, I wasn't hurting anybody but myself by playing. My boyfriend did get a little worried, which is what I was wanting, but he didn't want to stop. I burned out VERY quickly from playing after about 2 months, I would play for an hour and get up from the computer and walk away. He would work on his tradeskills for hours.. he saw that I was losing interest but didn't get upset over it.

We moved to a new apartment and the internet couldn't be turned on for 2 weeks. I was so happy.. We played board games, watched movies, went to park, and had a great time!! Even after the internet came back up, we didn't play for 5 months!! That's right!! (we did get on twice and played for about an hour both times).. but, that wasn't much to me.

But, we were having problems throughout the last two months.. because during those 5 months he HAD to be playing something on the computer.. Some type of game... ROME, SIMS, and a whole bunch of other games... though it wasn't EQ, it was gaming. It got to the point of - I would be downstairs watching TV and he would be upstairs playing his games. When I ask him to come downstairs with me, he would say, 'why don't you come upstairs with me?' He would compare my watching TV to his addiction of playing games. We started fighting a lot!

Finally last week he asks me, "can we start Playing EQ again?" So, in a desperate need to want to actually make him happy and feel like a couple again I said, "yes", and we've been playing every night. Not for too long, but for about 4 hours a night after dinner.

Now he is happy again. Our relationship, and I hate to say it, but our sexual relationship too, is suddenly existing again! Before I felt like we were just friends living together, now it feels like we are a couple, but I realize, it's only because of the game. It's like I'm getting "rewarded" for playing with him and being his little monkey or something!

I do love him, but I pose the question of - do I want to marry a gamer? Do I want to have kids with him? He bought me an engagement ring and has it, but I told him I'm not ready yet.

The good things are, that he doesn't blow off family functions, birthdays, parties, dinners, etc to play.. he does have SOME other priorities, but he doesn't help out around the house at ALL.. he just eats, sleeps, and plays his games.

My sister says I should count myself lucky that he's not off at tiddy bars or cheating on me! But her husband is a MAJOR gamer, not ever wanting to leave the house and she is miserable!! I refuse to be miserable like she is.

Apparently he isn't done being a gamer, and according to his friends, he's been this way for YEARS... since they've known him! (Over 8 years)"


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just my humble opinion, but RUN!!! Do NOT marry this guy. I am 13 yrs into it, and it's a sad, sad way to live.

Mar 18, 2006, 9:15:00 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

With all due respect, it seems that you were pretty manipulative in the way that you approached the game. You wrote: "I will act totally addicted and maybe this would scare him and then he'll want to stop."

Whether or not he's a gamer, there is no excuse for him not helping out around the house. Sounds to me like couples counseling might be in order. Not as a way of pathologizing his gaming behavior, but as a way for the two of you to start talking about the other issues in your relationship.

Mar 19, 2006, 11:23:00 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am one of those who is on the fence about how to answer this. I never played EQ but found myself drawn to ask a lot of questions from my boyfriend as to what he was doing and the number of hours he played.

In all relationships you have to find a compromise. I learned to not pay so much attention to all the different games my boyfriend played and especially the fact that he has played EQ for years.

We have learned to spend quality time together, eat together and take vacations together. But I still let him have his time without limits on his game and I have found my own hobbies of my own.

Yes, we love these guys. You ultimately make the decision what you want to do with your on your addictions to the games and what the real problem is in your relationship---

Mar 20, 2006, 9:35:00 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

don't do it. especially having baby with him... if you are ready to raise your child by yourself, then you can marry him and make baby with him...
i trusted my husband word "i will quit." so many times, and guess what. i'm raising our daughter by myself. he's more interested in raising his game character than his own daughter.

Mar 21, 2006, 10:56:00 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your eyes are open. He's a gamer and you're not going to change that. Women have this crazy idea that they will marry someone and then mold them into what they want...but it doesn't work. Not with gamers, not with football or sports fans, not musicians or artists, not with anyone who enjoys an activity. And is it fair to expect someone to give up something that is that integral to them? it isn't.

If you can't live with him as a gamer, you're not willing to take him "for better or for worse". Drop him now, while it's not too late.

Apr 14, 2006, 12:24:00 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Watching TV is as bad as playing video games. They're both not bad if you do them very little per day, but playing a game 4 hours a day is equal to watching TV 4 hours a day. Do don't get upset that he chooses to play video games instead of watching TV.

Apr 20, 2006, 7:31:00 PM


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