A new email:
"Hello,
I will be celebrating a 25 years anniversary alone I am sure.This Tue the 25th of Oct is our big 25 years.
But,I don't know who I will be celebrating with...I or my husband..I is his characters name on-line.
Lets just say that he took me out to buy a Diamond Ring tonight and I ask him on the way home if it was to keep me away from him for the weekend and he said,yes!..I said ok I can do that. He even took off Mon and Tue,and any other time he would be excited to go to the coast..He said No i don't want to go...
He can't sleep anymore all night long. He has been going to bed about 1 hour later or even 1 1/2 hour later,on a work night!..He gets up around 4.00 as he says he can't sleep because he is dreaming of work...NOT,He can't wait to get up to play this EverQuest game.
But,that is not the worst of it.His brother lives with us and has been out of town on a work assignment. My husband sits there and plays 2 computers all at the same time. He plays his brothers character at the same time,2 different computers.
He works,comes home and sits on his computer until bedtime. He sleeps,wakes up,and plays his game. He plays from Fri evening about 5:00pm until 2:00 am, Sat morning. Then he is up on Sat morning about 5:30 and that is him sleeping in...
He then plays for 19 hours straight. Then he is up again at 5:30 am..and all the way until about 11:00 pm. Then the week starts all over again.Yikes...I never thoughthe could be the one to become addicted to anything...
The house has suffered,I mow the lawn!!Like one lady said,he is nothing but a paycheck to me.But,I think he just doesn't understand how it feels to me. He does not miss me that is apparent to me.
If it is not this game then it would be the TV.His 1st love was the TV for the 1st 20 plus years of our marriage,now it is just the computer. He talks to his game buddies more than to me ever.He has said to them 2 times as much as he has ever said to me..
I think there is a problem...I don't care if you put this on-line..Maybe this is what it will take in order for him to see he has a REAL PROBLEM.. Don't get me wrong,I know here he is and what he is doing? But,does he know where I am and what I am doing? Does he care?"
2 Comments:
hello. i started EQ in 2000 when my coworkers bought me the game, as they all played as well. i didnt care for it, rather i thought they were all nerds as they would all be talking about sewing, smithing, or fishing at work, but not related to real life, but related to a videogame.
since then, i have managed to log on 300+ days. that is, real life 300+ days in the last 5 years. i would get on 1-2hours per night, but unlike others, i would only be there in front of the computer half the time, if that. i would get worried when my online friends would lose marriages, relationships, or just their life over a game. i thought i was an addict till i would notice people who played a dozen hours every single day.
i too have a family, and remembered my wife getting on me for not talking to her much or the kids. that was enough for me to tell my guild (the people you raid with) that i had to log (quit). but after a while she would get moody, and stop telling me that she was lonely. she would just sit there, while, of course i was there in my own little world, or basically ignoring my family for 1-2 hours per night.
i got a remote keyboard/mouse, and sat with the family which helped the family, but i could barely play since i always had the kids on me. then i felt ashamed that they were growing up to a dad who sat in front of a videogame.
can i cold turkey? yes, i have, several times. its been a month since i touched the game. just the mention of my game name on any search engine will get you several hits. not only did i play the game, i was in the game, on all the class forums and other EQ sites.
is there a way to compensate for the family and my hobby? i would say there is a balance. i dont get on until all the house chores are done, ie dishes, kids showers, kids homework, anything else i can do to save the wife work. it got to the point where i was always late to the raids, by a whole hour just so i would make sure i would be with the kids/family and take care of the house/bills/life. by then everyone was watching tv, playing, or something else. after 9pm kids would be in bed, and its just the wife and me. we sit not even 1meter apart. she works online and im playing next to her.
i lost some interest in the game, but i do not want to lose my 5 yr old hobby. i asked the wife if that was ok with her, and she no longer minded since the kids were already in bed, and she works online at night at night and doesnt want to be bothered anyway. its like that all week. and on the weekend, i am the taxi driver who drives them everywhere they want, no questions asked, strictly family time until raid time, and as usual im always late, however waiting for 50 people to be at the right place at the right time always is late anyway...
i would say getting the remote keyboard/mouse did a lot to help since it kept me away from the 21" monitor.
i think you need to talk to your husband and ask him what his priorities are. be blunt, short to the point, no beating around the bush. if you let him run over you, he will continue to. if you tell him you want attention, you should get it instantly, if the game makes you wait every time, then you are not his priority. i notice that not only does he log on to play a character, but he "boxes" another character. you know, there are those EQlosers, and theres the ones even lower than them, those that "box". as if it didnt take enough of your life to hit the highest level, or alternate abilities, gearing up your characters, attending raids everyday, they also have the time to spend hundreds of hours to do the same on another character.
i hope its not too late for you as you better set your husband right. as if paying attention to 1 screen isnt enough, he has two. however, people like him almost always get "burned out". that is, they get so many headaches from staring at the screen so long, playing so much, that they just quit. then there are others like myself who play so little that you never lose interest, mind you if you have 2hours to play a night, you will spend 30 minutes of it making a group of 6 people, another 20 minutes getting to the right place, then you only get 1 hour to play as a team... thats just grouping! once you hit the highest level and all the other things maxxed, you raid as there is no means for your character to upgrade from simple groups. and raids are easily from 7pm-11am+ every night for most guilds (50+ people wearing the same "guild tag").
EQ is a drug. notice i didnt say "like a drug". they no longer say it, but when they use to advertise a lot, it use to be "youre in our world now"... and it couldnt be any more true. and this is all coming from a gamer who use to play 1-2hrs per night, you can only imagine how it is for the hard core players who log on... lots of hours every day/night, there are literally players that wake up, and play until they go to bed... like your husband.
i know its frustrating for you, reading your post was like hearing my wife though i dont play 19 hours in 1 day, heck sometimes i dont play that much in 2 weeks. i hope he is within your help still
Oct 26, 2005, 10:07:00 AM
You mentioned the one word that I believe is the solution of all of this: BALANCE. Unfortunately, unlike you, people sometimes also think (or want to believe) that it is something that they can reach like a goal and then forget about. Just like exercising. Or healthy eating. Truth is, all these requires continuous commitment. And with balance comes a personal feeling of control and the ability to quit "cold turkey" and all that. Kudos to you for your insight
Oct 26, 2005, 3:01:00 PM
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