This email arrived a while ago, but I felt somewhat uncomfortable putting it up right then and there because it seemed so (too) raw...

"I am sitting here with tears running down my face. I have just printed the basic papers required to file for divorce.

Divorce, my 2nd. First from an abusive raging alcoholic. 2nd? From a once incredibly sweet, kind loving devoted husband who now spends every waking minute playing EQ. I try to think back on when it all went wrong... 2 years ago? 3 years ago? Probably even before that when he was playing other games where they had weekends away for their Quake tournaments. I thought he was young (he is younger than me) and he would grow out of it. And in time it seemed he had. Until we moved back to the States.... He picked up EQ again and so my story of sorrow picks up here.

I had threatened divorce multiple times this year. He said he would change. Said he would delete the game. Said he would cut back. Said he would pay the bills on time. Understood that as my health problems mounted and my health diminished that my ability to contribute to our family income also greatly diminished. Knew I counted on him more and more for support.

I feel trapped. I don't have a job, I don't have an income. We have become seriously in debt. He still buys additional software packs - "but they don't cost that much!" $29.95 here....again there. Pays our bills constantly late - NOT because we didn't have the money, but because he didn't bother to open up the bills until we get collection notice calls and letters and I start nagging.

One of my extreme low points? 3 or so months ago, I coyly asked him if he would join me in the bedroom as I was feeling romantic and hoped to make love. His response? "Sorry, I can't right now". I asked why...he said, "I have made arrangements to meet up with others on here" referring I guess to his guild members.

Turned down for sex to play a computer game with strangers. What does one tell themself - it's my fault? I've gained weight....my health is bad, I don't contribute enough. It's so easy to blame myself. Even my mother quickly jumps on the band wagon. You mustn't interest him anymore. Why is he so bored with you?

..... I'm so depressed and disgusted and angry and sad and humiliated, frustrated and bordering on hopeless. Where did our dreams go? Our future, our mutual goals and hopes? He has no friends. He forgot his mother's birthday.... He has become detached and cold. And I feel numb.

Last night, angry beyond belief because I found out that he had just paid our car insurance and it was due to lapse (the kicker - our car is at the body shop due to his car accident a week ago) I got onto his computer and deleted EQ. He had again promised me for days that he was going to delete it. Refocus on our marriage, refocus on himself. Yet there was the game still running nonstop on his computer.

And yet, tonight at 2am I find him playing EQ. He had of course reinstalled it. Told me that sometimes he needs to have downtime and will be playing the game. I said, well then I guess I will proceed with filing for divorce. He just grunted and kept playing. Now I am only worth grunt responses.

And so here I sit. A prior alcohol and drug abuse counselor, knowing that you can't make threats you don't intend to keep. You can't pour out the alcohol just like you can't erase the computer game.

Tears stream down my face. I don't know where I will go. How I will take care of myself. What I will do next. I honestly don't even know if I care anymore.

I do know that in my marriage vows it said nothing about computer games.

nothing at all"