"my husband ... plays Everquest. He stopped for a while before we were married (I threatened to leave) I thought this was a video game? It seems that all his free time is wrapped up in it.
I just want to cry.
Can you offer any help or information. He gets livid when I suggest time constraints or quitting. We had a baby 7 months ago and he sits her on his lap while he plays and calls this his quality time. Are we forcing him into this world? As a former participant was it the lack of a satisfying reality that caused your retreat to a virtual world?"
8 Comments:
at the end of the day the reason people play games is because it offers them things they just cant get in real life . to most hardcore gamers real life is somewhat boring compared to the experiences games offer them . lets face it would you rather slay dragons with armies of your friends at your side and magic powers at your fingertips or would you rather work 9-5 in a job your under appreciated and underpaid in for some company who doesnt care about you then come home file your bills do the housework and go to bed ? the reason we play is because real life bores us . its to escape the mundane reality of our society . that being said , there is a way to wean someone from eq , you just need to find something for him to do instead , personally i have switched to less time consuming games ( battlefield 2 , civilisation , games i can drop out if easily ...) and i snowboard as much as possible , i tramp(hike if your u.s.a) rock climb , surf , fish anything to not be in the house ...somewhere out there is something he would rather do , something you can be involved in , you just have to help him find it ! good luck !
May 3, 2006, 7:43:00 PM
Well said. I think what gamers often forget that dragonslaying on the computer screen - although fun and immersive at that - is hardly more exciting than things in real life. I've played EQ for 4-5 years, and it took me about that long to realize that online life was as mundane, if not more boring... random rules set by some corporation and their employees, doing the same things over and over... with conversations circling around the narrow defines of the online universe (or about the depressiveness of real life). This isn't something that can't be told - people have to learn that on their own before they can understand
May 4, 2006, 11:48:00 AM
I was not aware that you yourself had a problem, J, although I did guess that as the most possible reason for you running this blog. I am fascinated by the judgements that lie behind problematic game playing - people must really think that the game is better than getting out and doing stuff in the real world. I wish I had an answer for this poster. I am working on figuring my mind out about the issue right now, and will be for some time - whether it is possible to come up with a solution though, I do not know.
May 4, 2006, 12:08:00 PM
I think quite a few of us wonder about the same thing - maybe some collective thinking and discussion will bring us closer to the truth and closer to understanding the issue. Even gamers will readily admit that the extraordinary feats online can't be quite compared to real life feats... what I find so interesting is that this isn't full-scale denial - yhe obsessive gamer is aware of their skewed thinking and the negative consequences of obsessive gamely but still chooses to continue.
May 7, 2006, 7:40:00 PM
Sometimes i really wonder if it's even worth fighting for your significant one to come back to the real world. Games are becoming ever so popular, and it's a loosing battle. i found this article interesting. http://www.localnewsleader.com/olberlin/stories/index.php?action=fullnews&id=184860
i've been contemplating for the past 3 years whether to leave him or not, and now i'm packing my bags. i've had enough!
May 8, 2006, 10:32:00 AM
If you've been waiting for three years, you've probably waited long enough.
Good for you for taking action and standing up for yourself to get this problem out of your life when he apparently won't.
May 8, 2006, 4:00:00 PM
Thank you MightyJack.
This is exactly how I feel, but it’s oh so good to hear it from someone else. Like many people here (I’m guessing, but pretty sure this is the case), I’ve been keeping this situation a secret. I mean, how do you explain to family and friends that your loved one is so taken by game, they’ve neglected every social and emotional aspect of their real lives.
At the same time, it’s not like this addiction ruins lives as drugs and alcohol do. A yearly subscription to EverQuest costs like what $200 a year? That’s about 3 dates (dinner and a movie) in real life. It’s not like many of these people have to live on the street, steal, prostitute and reserve to violence. Yes, many loose jobs (as it happened here), but then they bounce back. In a way, it’s not much different from having an affair. Something else satisfies social/emotional even sexual needs. It’s not an easy decision to make, to walk out on someone you love. But at this point, I realize that if he ever stops, we will always be haunted by this experience. It’s a very thin line between devotion and need to take care of yourself. I’m grateful that we don’t have children.
May 8, 2006, 6:30:00 PM
Is there anyone on this forum who wants to share their story of being addicted to online gaming or having a loved one addicted?
I am a journalism student at Columbia University. If you reside in NYC, please contact me at jkp2121@columbia.edu.
Best,
JP
Feb 12, 2009, 12:27:00 PM
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