It's 10 pm. Do you know where you and your loved ones are? Here is a collection of experiences from those who live / have lived with an obsessive MMOG gamer and from those who have lived the experience of obsessive MMOG gaming.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

"Much of what i say here will not be new but it will all be fact.

I am ... married for ... years have 2 kids, played eq1 for a few years and eq2 for a good 6 months. When i played, logging on usually was a 3 or 4 hour minimum and could carry on for about 8, few times have i gone over that amount but it has happened.

I have met cyber partners in which escalated to phone conversations, the nature of talking alone would classify as cheating on my wife no doubt.

I read these emails and i see how confused many of you are about these choices your significant other, be it male or female, are making. How can someone ignore the flesh and blood that is beside them and opt for this
virtual world?

Simply put the game offers and alternate reality in which the current one can be dissolved. The bills go away, the work stress, marital problems, all real world troubles now disappear. In this world, we can forget who we are and take on a new identity and mold the onscreen character to be who we want them to be.

But the advantages doesnt end there.

In this alternate reality you can be anything, anyone you want. In everquest the shy quiet person can become a leader, a visual of accomplishments can be made with levels and equipment, and it is a spring board for like minded individuals to meet, connect, and develope bonds.

These are some of the advantages, some of the pulls into the addiction. And that is what it really is, and addiction to a life that is in some ways more fulfilling that the one which is reality. If we could look over our lives and change it, mold it to our liking, in anyway that we wish, most of us would change it to some degree.

Ok so those are the pulls to it, but how do you break it, how do you get your significant other back?

Well that answer is simple....You Dont.

Like it or not, you have very little control over this.

Understand that the virtual world is every bit of real to the person as the actual world and therefore will defend it. And if the person prefers the virtual world over the actual one then there will be absolutely nothing you can do except move on with your life.

When you threaten to leave, to break up, to quit, to whatever you had better prepare yourself metally and financially to do it, and do it when you say it. One of two things will happen...either it will be enough of shock to wake the person up from the virtual haze, or two it will give them just one more reason to dive into the virtual world and forget all about the actual one.

Children, wives, husbands, jobs, they can all take a back seat to this alternate reality....and again, alternate or not it is still viewed as reality.

I know many addicts, and i know that the addicts cannot balance the Virtual with Actual reality and ultimately a choice is made to which will dominate. But that choice is made by the person between to the two worlds..the children and spouses are only victims.

I myself quit EQ because i prefer the Actual life. My wife is my best friend, my kids are my best friends, and i do like sunlight.

I miss EQ and would like to play, but i know if i reactivate that account i will dive back into that world for far much more time than i am willing to
give up.

My wife played eq for a year, it was her way of trying to do something i was interested in. We built a guild together one of the more lucrative on the servers and we even made some real life friends out of it. In the end though it wasnt for her, she didnt like it nearly as much as i did. She would often tell me "You play that damn game to much" and things along those lines...and i did, i played way to much. I was online everyday for at least 3 hours. She found out about the cyber women and was really upset, i did try to hide them but never denied them. She never threatened to leave me over the game though that i can remember.

Threats are like challenges to most men, you threaten me you better be ready to go through with it else i will call your bluff....that sorta testosteronic thinking.

Point is that I woke up not because of anything she did, or anything my kids did, but simply because i prefer them. I Woke Up..as if from a dream...Inside that virtual world time disappears, you lose all sense of the actual minutes that pass. You lose all sense of things that truly hold value.

To all of you wondering what to do about these situations my answer is simple:

Take care of yourself...Get things in order...Pack your Bags...Hope he/she wakes up from the Virtual world and stops you before you get to the door...but if not, you walk through that door and start the rest of your life.

This is your one life, you make your own happliy ever after, but the only person you can control is yourself.

I am truly sorry for those lost in the virtual world, I am sorry that they cannot see the damage they are creating around themselves. You all must truly love them to seek out such support. But like a tree that has
died....you either chop it up and move it out of the way, or you live with the dead wood."

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for that. Im going through something with my fiance at the moment. he is the addict and its ruining our relationship. What you wrote made alot of sense to me and actually made me cry. Its very hard at the moment, this is the man i had planned on spending the rest of my life with. It's just so hard to walk away from someone you love and care about. i only wish he could see how much he is hurting me and realise that im not trying to control him or be nasty. im just trying to salvage whats left of our relationship!

Jan 29, 2007, 9:29:00 PM

 
Blogger J said...

Please remember that the best you can do is to remember that you love and care about yourself also. You can try your best but in the end, the decision how to spend his lifetime is made by him. All the best.

Feb 2, 2007, 11:32:00 AM

 

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