It's 10 pm. Do you know where you and your loved ones are? Here is a collection of experiences from those who live / have lived with an obsessive MMOG gamer and from those who have lived the experience of obsessive MMOG gaming.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

"My husband used to play EQ1 when we were dating and then he quit. He used to tell me how he'd play for hours and hours and I thought it was just ridiculous. I thought he'd never get into it again. That is until EQ2 came out.

He played, heck, even I played a little, until I realized it was way out of my commitment level and just too hard. Now I think he's a level 36 or something... Our marriage is perfect, he's my best friend and I wake up smiling everyday...but some days just feel empty.

He recently got into the guilds, which leads to Teamspeak, and I find myself frequently saying something to him..and then going, "are you listening?" Turns out somebody was talking on the headphones and then he gets irritated, saying he was busy. Good god I'm standing right here and I'm real and flesh and they're a priority? I want him to have fun and be entertained, I mean, I watch TV, what's the difference..but I look up when somebody is talking to me. With those headphones I feel like he's shutting me out. I know he means well and he doesn't intend to but it's frustrating. Everything was fine until those headphones. I ask him to come sit with me and watch some TV and even then, he's running a macro and crafting, he just can't stop. We make plans to go out around his guild raids. It's silly.

...

I'm happy on days when he doesn't play..when we can go out to eat or to the movies, or just sit around and watch TV. Then I just shut down. This isn't anything to make or break us..I've been friends with him for 7 years and married for 1..and some days I just can't believe that I get to be with him for the rest of my life, but how do you cope? What do you say? Do you just hope it will run it's course?

...

He plays when he comes home from work, usually around 5-midnight. Then almost all day on the weekends. Probably 30+ hours a week. Maybe less, it depends on his work schedule. I ask if we can go to the movies or out on the weekends, and he typically says, "oh, okay, but we have to be back by this time..." for a guild raid, of course.... He works usually 8-4:30, comes home and plays all night, you would think that he'd be ready to go to bed at 11-ish with me, right? Nope, often I go up by myself..he comes in around 1 or later. This happens a couple of times a week."

3 Comments:

Blogger Seconddayhero said...

The sad thing is that he is alienating you for the game. Realize this, he will tell you exactly what you want to hear and do whatever you want, as long as he can keep playing the game.

I used to be addicted to a mmorpg as well. I know that in serious cases, while doing other things like eating out, dating, and such... they will even be thinking about their characters then. When he shuts you out with his headphones, he is puting priority on the game. I know it's hard to take in, but realize that this is a different form of entertainment than you are accustomed to. These people he is talking to are becoming his "perfect friends".

A "perfect friend" doesn't confront you about anything, compliments you, listens to you always, and he feels probably that they think he is a "perfect friend" as well because of his devotion to them. The problem is that they don't really know him personally like you do, and this creates an illusion of perfection inbetween him and his friends. This happens all the time in these games, and unfortunately it leads to the addicts pushing away the ones whom really love them for who they are.

The games is exciting!! He gets to be a hero and save his friends' lives on a daily basis. He can give his life for others in order to save them. Yet he is also slowly giving away his real life away to them as well as his "devotion" grows. You need to confront him, and don't bend to his needs of playing the game at all. Remember, he is going to be getting sick, and will say/do anything to let him keep playing the game... seek professional help and go to a councelor for this. The only way you can fix this is by getting him outta there and talking about this with a councelor. Your relationship is threatened, I wish you well and don't wait for things to get worse.

Take care

Jul 2, 2005, 12:45:00 PM

 
Blogger Odseus said...

I somewhat disagree with seconddayhero. I think mmo's can be a massive addiction. But a relationship with a significant other can exist easily as long as boundaries are set.

I've personally had the bug hit me with multiple games. t4c, ac, daoc and I just recently quit WoW.

I've been married for 3 years, together for 6. I will always be a mmo player.

The difference between an mmo and a regular game is the pause button. There is no pause button in these games there isn't a stop it's like watching a movie in the theater once you've interrupted someone through the process they've missed that piece of it.

From what I see he is deffinetly overplaying the game. Make up a contract or an agreed upon time for you two to be together. Where the game is completley off limits. I was never allowed to play when my wife was awake during the weekdays. (well rarely ever) I would put her to bed then I would play at night and on saturdays. Sundays were off limit and considered her day with me.

Talk to him and find out what would work the best for both of you.

Jul 29, 2005, 12:37:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm guessing that he plays closer to sixty hours a week than thirty.

If he plays from 5-12 on weeknights, that's 35 hours right there. I'm guessing that "all day" on the weekends can mean up to twelve hours or more each day, so we'll say that's another 25 hours, which brings the total to sixty.

If he put sixty hours a week into anything that produces a meaningful outcome or reward, he'd probably be rich / or a master at something.

Jul 18, 2006, 12:32:00 PM

 

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